The Fablieaux

The Belgian bodybuilding championship has been canceled after doping officials showed up and all the competitors fled.

A doping official says bodybuilders just grabbed their gear and ran off when he came into the room.

“I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again,” doping official Hans Cooman said Monday.

Twenty bodybuilders were entered in the weekend competition. Cooman says the sport has a history of doping “and this incident didn’t do its reputation any good.”

Hugo Ghailergh, one of the most promising contestants, commented “We were lucky to get out of there when we did. Those testers are much smaller and faster than we are. Thankfully we always have a back door. We will do whatever we have to to preserve the sport. No drug testing will kill this fine sport.”

During testing of bodybuilding events last year, doping authorities of northern Belgium’s Flanders region found that three-quarters of the competitors tested positive. Competitors this year were determined not to have the same shame brought upon the sport, and they succeeded.

Carrie Prejean, Miss California, was shocked Monday to find out that a Springfield, Ma. hospital worker created a piece of toast that was not an image of the Virgin Mary-it was her image. The hospital, a Catholic institution, was expected to produce any manner of food-based images in line with the deities they have spent years worshiping. The actual toaster is shown on the left.

“The toast is worthy of veneration, and will certainly be validated as a miracle by both the NE US Cardinal and the Pope in the next few weeks, but it is a bitter disappointment.”, claimed a sullen Rev. Harold Wainright, janitorial manager at St. Frederick of the Perpetually Stricken Memorial Catholic Hospital in Springfield.

“We never dreamt that our salvation, financially and spiritually, would come in the form of a Miss America pageant contestant. It is a cross we must bear, and somehow avenge in our prayers to the Virgin Mary, who seems to have played a prank on us this time.”

Rev. Wainright concluded with “At least she hates the Gays, and sees them as heathen vermin. It is a small solice, but we’ll take it.”

When shown the toast, Carrie commented “I don’t get it, but thats how I was raised.”

A Rikers Island inmate has been diagnosed with the swine flu after “familial’ visits from elementary school students on “Scared Straight” field trips. The Department of Correction said that the flu had not spread to the entire 13,200 population, and felt that suspending conjugal visits was the best reaction in the short term.

Manuel Juarez, the President of the American Prisoners Union, felt that the action was a “Broad stroke that affects more uninfected than victims.”

The Anna M. Kross facility is being decontaminated while thousands of prisoners across the country are being denied their pre-teen conjugal visits. A class action suit is being compiled by the Kenton Group in New York which will prove that denying pre-pubescent boys to male inmates constitutes cruel and unusual behavior. “We believe our clients have been wronged, “, said Leonard Lottier, counsel at the Kenton Group, “and while money alone can’t be considered a substitute for smooth, virgin flesh, it will certainly help heal the wounds.”

Norman Seebrook, president of the Corrections’Officers Benevolent Association called the class action suit “Outrageous and baseless”, and swore to fight the press rallying that is bringing public opinion against them. “We will continue to do what is right for both elementary school children and prisoners. It is our charter to protect these inmates, not make them happy.”