The Fablieaux

A father was accused of using a dog shock collar on his four children. Salem, Oregon Police Lt. Dave Okasa said the 41-year-old man was jailed Tuesday on charges of criminal mistreatment. He said the father acknowledged putting the electronic dog collar on his four children and shocking all of them at least once each time they misbehaved.

“Well, at first I didn’t realize they were shock collars. I just thought they were acting out what they see on TV. Thinking back, it explains why they never left the yard.”, admitted Jack Nievens, “Just the same, you’d better not look in the basement.”

According to Okasa, the father didn’t do it as a punishment. Rather, he thought it was routine. “My parents leashed me, as did theirs before them. Don’t you want to hear about the retractable leashes?”

The children, all younger than 10, are in the custody of their mother. The case has been referred to state Department of Human Services.

Ever since 2006, employees of the Old Faithful Inn have supplied Old Faithful with urine. Without the urine, the employees were told by geologists from the University of Wyoming, the geyser won’t erupt every 65 to 92 minutes. Without the geyser, there would be no tourists; Without tourists, they would lose their jobs. The joke apparently got out of hand, and for over 3 years tourists have been treated to eruptions with a little something extra.

Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser. Frank Lowe, one of the employees caught, commented “What is the big deal? This is what we do. We were told to keep peeing into the hole or else the tourists wouldn’t come, and the inn would close.”

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years. The second employee’s case is pending.

Lowe was confused at this punishment claiming “How can I be on unsupervised probation and banned from the park at the same time? Does this mean I’m on unsupervised probation at home?”

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