The Fablieaux

A father was accused of using a dog shock collar on his four children. Salem, Oregon Police Lt. Dave Okasa said the 41-year-old man was jailed Tuesday on charges of criminal mistreatment. He said the father acknowledged putting the electronic dog collar on his four children and shocking all of them at least once each time they misbehaved.

“Well, at first I didn’t realize they were shock collars. I just thought they were acting out what they see on TV. Thinking back, it explains why they never left the yard.”, admitted Jack Nievens, “Just the same, you’d better not look in the basement.”

According to Okasa, the father didn’t do it as a punishment. Rather, he thought it was routine. “My parents leashed me, as did theirs before them. Don’t you want to hear about the retractable leashes?”

The children, all younger than 10, are in the custody of their mother. The case has been referred to state Department of Human Services.

The newest story line on Discovery Channel’s series “American Chopper” involves “Paul Teutel, Sr.” taking a troubled youth in as a mentor. Paul, Sr. feels that he can extend the same brand of understanding parenting to those unfortunate children and young adults that he has extended to his own sons on “American Chopper”.

National Troubled Youth Director Kevin Whelsley told The Fablieux “Many people, hundreds in fact, have called and emailed me personally wondering if I had actually seen the TV show. I can assure them that yes, I have.” When asked whether Discovery Networks would carry personal insurance for the volunteered youths on their rider, Whelsley responded “Of course. We’re not cruel. We would never put a youth directly into harm’s way without proper insurance.”

American Chopper spokesperson Anne Turner assured The Fablieaux that “While it is true that we are scaring only one youth “straight”, both organizations hope that the viewership the show commands will permit parents and parole officers alike to use the situation to their advantage.”

When asked to clarify, Turner explained “Our counselors, along with the youth’s parents, can now threaten to put a child into the Teutul’s care, and they will take us seriously. No more idle threats.” She beamed, “They know it can actually happen”. “Paul has ssureed me that he will try his hardest not to ‘punch the youth in the face’”, Turner concluded, apparently making reference to one of the many catch phrases Paul uses on the show to mentor, guide and nurture his sons.