The Fablieaux

Vannevar Bush

In a historic move, and one that will go down in the history books along with the great achievements of the best minds of our time, “unboundprometheus” has accomplished the seemingly impossible-a 3-dimensional post.

Since its inception in 1979, newsgroups, and of late Google Groups, have been limited to simple ASCII, or text. Paul Baran told The Fablieaux “We were building systems (back then) to allow communication between missile sites to survive nuclear impact, not transmit large, complex objects. What unboundprometheus has done is nothing short of astounding. One can only imagine the amount of time and resources involved to finally pull of the impossible. His achievements,” Baran added, “make mine seem insignificant.” More »

Ever since 2006, employees of the Old Faithful Inn have supplied Old Faithful with urine. Without the urine, the employees were told by geologists from the University of Wyoming, the geyser won’t erupt every 65 to 92 minutes. Without the geyser, there would be no tourists; Without tourists, they would lose their jobs. The joke apparently got out of hand, and for over 3 years tourists have been treated to eruptions with a little something extra.

Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser. Frank Lowe, one of the employees caught, commented “What is the big deal? This is what we do. We were told to keep peeing into the hole or else the tourists wouldn’t come, and the inn would close.”

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years. The second employee’s case is pending.

Lowe was confused at this punishment claiming “How can I be on unsupervised probation and banned from the park at the same time? Does this mean I’m on unsupervised probation at home?”

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The principal of a Utah middle school has been asked to apologize for forcing a kilt-wearing student to change his clothes-to less.

Weber School District spokesman Nathan Taggart says Kevin Jessop has been asked to extend an apology to 14-year-old student Gavin McFarland of Hooper after the school official’s comments Wednesday.

Gavin says he wore the kilt twice in the past two weeks to Rocky Mountain Junior High as a prop for an art project. Jessop told the boy that the outfit could be misconstrued as cross-dressing, and that to make things clearer he should remove his underpants.

Taggart says the district recognizes the kilt as an expression of the boy’s Scottish heritage and that the kilt was not inappropriate unless worn in the traditional fashion-commando (without undergarments).

Activists at NAMBLA have called the move by the school district a “…removal of one more barrier, bringing men one step closer to each other.”

Kilts are traditional Scottish apparel generally worn by men for formal or special occasions.

A Rikers Island inmate has been diagnosed with the swine flu after “familial’ visits from elementary school students on “Scared Straight” field trips. The Department of Correction said that the flu had not spread to the entire 13,200 population, and felt that suspending conjugal visits was the best reaction in the short term.

Manuel Juarez, the President of the American Prisoners Union, felt that the action was a “Broad stroke that affects more uninfected than victims.”

The Anna M. Kross facility is being decontaminated while thousands of prisoners across the country are being denied their pre-teen conjugal visits. A class action suit is being compiled by the Kenton Group in New York which will prove that denying pre-pubescent boys to male inmates constitutes cruel and unusual behavior. “We believe our clients have been wronged, “, said Leonard Lottier, counsel at the Kenton Group, “and while money alone can’t be considered a substitute for smooth, virgin flesh, it will certainly help heal the wounds.”

Norman Seebrook, president of the Corrections’Officers Benevolent Association called the class action suit “Outrageous and baseless”, and swore to fight the press rallying that is bringing public opinion against them. “We will continue to do what is right for both elementary school children and prisoners. It is our charter to protect these inmates, not make them happy.”