The Fablieaux

Vannevar Bush

In a historic move, and one that will go down in the history books along with the great achievements of the best minds of our time, “unboundprometheus” has accomplished the seemingly impossible-a 3-dimensional post.

Since its inception in 1979, newsgroups, and of late Google Groups, have been limited to simple ASCII, or text. Paul Baran told The Fablieaux “We were building systems (back then) to allow communication between missile sites to survive nuclear impact, not transmit large, complex objects. What unboundprometheus has done is nothing short of astounding. One can only imagine the amount of time and resources involved to finally pull of the impossible. His achievements,” Baran added, “make mine seem insignificant.” More »

It seems Mark Bradwin a kitchen supervisor with Webbles Burger in Minnesota has finally had enough.  The 26 year old Kentucky native has been stabbed twice by unruly cooks that could not take his aggressive form of criticism.  Mr. Bradwin admits that he can be a little tough on his staff and regularly uses the F-bomb when he feels they are not working up to potential.

The first stabbing took place in June of 2006, after a 12 hour shift together with a junior cook by the name of Jesse Richmonde.  After Jesse burned an entire grill full of Angus all-beef burger he was chasitized by Bradin and told that his pay would be docked for the ruined burgers.  Jesse lost it and stabbed he boss twice in the shoulder before being restrained by the two dishwashers on duty.  The most recent assualt was in the Summer of 2008 when the new breakfast cook took out an all-night dope fest on Mark and stabbed him in the back between his shoulderblades. More »

If you’ve ever doubted that mental illness can be passed from parent to child, a woman in China’s Sichuan province just proved you wrong.

Who knows where Lin Zongxiu’s information came from, but someone, somewhere had informed her that soup made from a man’s head was a remedy for psychiatric problems.

Not only did Ms. Lin believe this nugget of folk wisdom, but she decided to put it to the test.

On the one hand, you can’t blame her: She was presumably desperate to help her 25-year-old daughter, who had suffered from mental illness for years. On the other hand, well, let’s just say you don’t pop into your corner grocery and buy a man-head. The implications are obvious.

More »

The Belgian bodybuilding championship has been canceled after doping officials showed up and all the competitors fled.

A doping official says bodybuilders just grabbed their gear and ran off when he came into the room.

“I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again,” doping official Hans Cooman said Monday.

Twenty bodybuilders were entered in the weekend competition. Cooman says the sport has a history of doping “and this incident didn’t do its reputation any good.”

Hugo Ghailergh, one of the most promising contestants, commented “We were lucky to get out of there when we did. Those testers are much smaller and faster than we are. Thankfully we always have a back door. We will do whatever we have to to preserve the sport. No drug testing will kill this fine sport.”

During testing of bodybuilding events last year, doping authorities of northern Belgium’s Flanders region found that three-quarters of the competitors tested positive. Competitors this year were determined not to have the same shame brought upon the sport, and they succeeded.

A Rikers Island inmate has been diagnosed with the swine flu after “familial’ visits from elementary school students on “Scared Straight” field trips. The Department of Correction said that the flu had not spread to the entire 13,200 population, and felt that suspending conjugal visits was the best reaction in the short term.

Manuel Juarez, the President of the American Prisoners Union, felt that the action was a “Broad stroke that affects more uninfected than victims.”

The Anna M. Kross facility is being decontaminated while thousands of prisoners across the country are being denied their pre-teen conjugal visits. A class action suit is being compiled by the Kenton Group in New York which will prove that denying pre-pubescent boys to male inmates constitutes cruel and unusual behavior. “We believe our clients have been wronged, “, said Leonard Lottier, counsel at the Kenton Group, “and while money alone can’t be considered a substitute for smooth, virgin flesh, it will certainly help heal the wounds.”

Norman Seebrook, president of the Corrections’Officers Benevolent Association called the class action suit “Outrageous and baseless”, and swore to fight the press rallying that is bringing public opinion against them. “We will continue to do what is right for both elementary school children and prisoners. It is our charter to protect these inmates, not make them happy.”