The Fablieaux

Police arrested a 29-year-old man on car theft charges at a church in Norwich, CT on Sunday, the same church Police Capt. Timothy Menard attends regularly. Menard told the Norwich Bulletin that it seemed like every time the suspect needed gas, he stole a new car.

“You mean these cars belong to someone?” a visibly confused Daniel Riosan told The Fablieux , “Some guy at the dealership told me it was all part of the new Transportation Plan“.

Police said the suspect went from one car dealership to another to steal cars and had left the church pastor’s contact card at a Plainfield dealership before stealing a car from there. Pastor Bernard, of the Norwich Diocese, admitted “Yes. We did have a theme this month of the Lord ‘Helping Those Who Help Themselves’, but we didn’t expect anyone to take us literally. We certainly didn’t expect our calling to card to be left at each scene of the crime either. I think we must bear some of the responsibility, here.”

Menard said the pastor of Norwich Alliance Church alerted him to the suspect’s presence. Menard cuffed the suspect and walked him out. Police said that they found a Honda Civic stolen Friday from a Groton, CT dealer in the church parking lot.

Riosan summed things up, saying “I see this as a victimless crime. When you think about it, it all makes sense. If you need a car, you just take one from where you are, and leave it when you get to your destination. I’m just sorry I got caught up in the hoax.”

A German court fined an unemployed man 900 euros ($1,227) Tuesday for knocking the head off a waxwork figure of Adolf Hitler in a Berlin museum.

Minutes after the Madame Tussauds museum opened in the German capital in July, the 42-year-old pushed past security staff and ripped off its head. The man, an ex-policeman, said he found it inexplicable that the Nazi leader would be found only some 500 meters from Berlin’s Holocaust memorial. The man appeared perplexed when he discovered the wax likeness was not Hitler himself.

The waxwork of a glum-looking Hitler in a mock bunker stirred debate in Germany even before it went on display. Critics argued it was tasteless to display a replica of the man who unleashed World War Two and ordered the extermination of Europe’s Jews.

Madame Tussauds said the museum avoided politics, arguing Hitler stood for a significant part of German history and his waxwork therefore had a legitimate part in the exhibition.

The restored figure was returned to the museum in September and is now displayed behind a glass wall.

About 25 workers spent about four months on the original waxwork, using more than 2,000 pictures and pieces of archive material (like that shown here) and also guided by a model of the “Fuehrer” in the London branch of Madame Tussauds.

Ever since 2006, employees of the Old Faithful Inn have supplied Old Faithful with urine. Without the urine, the employees were told by geologists from the University of Wyoming, the geyser won’t erupt every 65 to 92 minutes. Without the geyser, there would be no tourists; Without tourists, they would lose their jobs. The joke apparently got out of hand, and for over 3 years tourists have been treated to eruptions with a little something extra.

Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser. Frank Lowe, one of the employees caught, commented “What is the big deal? This is what we do. We were told to keep peeing into the hole or else the tourists wouldn’t come, and the inn would close.”

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years. The second employee’s case is pending.

Lowe was confused at this punishment claiming “How can I be on unsupervised probation and banned from the park at the same time? Does this mean I’m on unsupervised probation at home?”

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A Rikers Island inmate has been diagnosed with the swine flu after “familial’ visits from elementary school students on “Scared Straight” field trips. The Department of Correction said that the flu had not spread to the entire 13,200 population, and felt that suspending conjugal visits was the best reaction in the short term.

Manuel Juarez, the President of the American Prisoners Union, felt that the action was a “Broad stroke that affects more uninfected than victims.”

The Anna M. Kross facility is being decontaminated while thousands of prisoners across the country are being denied their pre-teen conjugal visits. A class action suit is being compiled by the Kenton Group in New York which will prove that denying pre-pubescent boys to male inmates constitutes cruel and unusual behavior. “We believe our clients have been wronged, “, said Leonard Lottier, counsel at the Kenton Group, “and while money alone can’t be considered a substitute for smooth, virgin flesh, it will certainly help heal the wounds.”

Norman Seebrook, president of the Corrections’Officers Benevolent Association called the class action suit “Outrageous and baseless”, and swore to fight the press rallying that is bringing public opinion against them. “We will continue to do what is right for both elementary school children and prisoners. It is our charter to protect these inmates, not make them happy.”