The Fablieaux

Why “All King’s Day”?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is a United States holiday marking the birthdate of the ReverendDoctorMartin Luther King, Jr., observed on the third Monday of January each year, around the time of King’s birthday, January 15. It is one of three United States federal holidays to commemorate an individual person, yet it os not celebrated universally across the country.

Elvis Aaron Presley (January 8, 1935 – August 16, 1977; middle name sometimes written Aron) was an American singer, actor, and musician. A cultural icon, he is commonly known simply as “Elvis,” and is also sometimes referred to as “The King of Rock ‘n’ Roll” or “The King”. He currently has no holiday.

Martin and Elvis both share birthdays so close to each other, that they should both be celebrated together-”All King’s Day”. It should be obvious that both Northern and Southern states win in this compromise.

Police arrested a 29-year-old man on car theft charges at a church in Norwich, CT on Sunday, the same church Police Capt. Timothy Menard attends regularly. Menard told the Norwich Bulletin that it seemed like every time the suspect needed gas, he stole a new car.

“You mean these cars belong to someone?” a visibly confused Daniel Riosan told The Fablieux , “Some guy at the dealership told me it was all part of the new Transportation Plan“.

Police said the suspect went from one car dealership to another to steal cars and had left the church pastor’s contact card at a Plainfield dealership before stealing a car from there. Pastor Bernard, of the Norwich Diocese, admitted “Yes. We did have a theme this month of the Lord ‘Helping Those Who Help Themselves’, but we didn’t expect anyone to take us literally. We certainly didn’t expect our calling to card to be left at each scene of the crime either. I think we must bear some of the responsibility, here.”

Menard said the pastor of Norwich Alliance Church alerted him to the suspect’s presence. Menard cuffed the suspect and walked him out. Police said that they found a Honda Civic stolen Friday from a Groton, CT dealer in the church parking lot.

Riosan summed things up, saying “I see this as a victimless crime. When you think about it, it all makes sense. If you need a car, you just take one from where you are, and leave it when you get to your destination. I’m just sorry I got caught up in the hoax.”

The newest story line on Discovery Channel’s series “American Chopper” involves “Paul Teutel, Sr.” taking a troubled youth in as a mentor. Paul, Sr. feels that he can extend the same brand of understanding parenting to those unfortunate children and young adults that he has extended to his own sons on “American Chopper”.

National Troubled Youth Director Kevin Whelsley told The Fablieux “Many people, hundreds in fact, have called and emailed me personally wondering if I had actually seen the TV show. I can assure them that yes, I have.” When asked whether Discovery Networks would carry personal insurance for the volunteered youths on their rider, Whelsley responded “Of course. We’re not cruel. We would never put a youth directly into harm’s way without proper insurance.”

American Chopper spokesperson Anne Turner assured The Fablieaux that “While it is true that we are scaring only one youth “straight”, both organizations hope that the viewership the show commands will permit parents and parole officers alike to use the situation to their advantage.”

When asked to clarify, Turner explained “Our counselors, along with the youth’s parents, can now threaten to put a child into the Teutul’s care, and they will take us seriously. No more idle threats.” She beamed, “They know it can actually happen”. “Paul has ssureed me that he will try his hardest not to ‘punch the youth in the face’”, Turner concluded, apparently making reference to one of the many catch phrases Paul uses on the show to mentor, guide and nurture his sons.

A German court fined an unemployed man 900 euros ($1,227) Tuesday for knocking the head off a waxwork figure of Adolf Hitler in a Berlin museum.

Minutes after the Madame Tussauds museum opened in the German capital in July, the 42-year-old pushed past security staff and ripped off its head. The man, an ex-policeman, said he found it inexplicable that the Nazi leader would be found only some 500 meters from Berlin’s Holocaust memorial. The man appeared perplexed when he discovered the wax likeness was not Hitler himself.

The waxwork of a glum-looking Hitler in a mock bunker stirred debate in Germany even before it went on display. Critics argued it was tasteless to display a replica of the man who unleashed World War Two and ordered the extermination of Europe’s Jews.

Madame Tussauds said the museum avoided politics, arguing Hitler stood for a significant part of German history and his waxwork therefore had a legitimate part in the exhibition.

The restored figure was returned to the museum in September and is now displayed behind a glass wall.

About 25 workers spent about four months on the original waxwork, using more than 2,000 pictures and pieces of archive material (like that shown here) and also guided by a model of the “Fuehrer” in the London branch of Madame Tussauds.

Ever since 2006, employees of the Old Faithful Inn have supplied Old Faithful with urine. Without the urine, the employees were told by geologists from the University of Wyoming, the geyser won’t erupt every 65 to 92 minutes. Without the geyser, there would be no tourists; Without tourists, they would lose their jobs. The joke apparently got out of hand, and for over 3 years tourists have been treated to eruptions with a little something extra.

Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser. Frank Lowe, one of the employees caught, commented “What is the big deal? This is what we do. We were told to keep peeing into the hole or else the tourists wouldn’t come, and the inn would close.”

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years. The second employee’s case is pending.

Lowe was confused at this punishment claiming “How can I be on unsupervised probation and banned from the park at the same time? Does this mean I’m on unsupervised probation at home?”

More »

“Titanic” stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet and the film’s director James Cameron have responded to a challenge and donated $30,000 to support the last survivor of the Titanic in her last years, a representative for DiCaprio said Monday.

“We’re extremely thankful that there is only one survivor left.” DiCaprio’s spokesperson Diane Truseau commented, “Could you imagine how little each person would get f we had to split it between 2,200?”.

The survivor, 97-year-old Millvina Dean, has reportedly resorted to selling her autograph to pay her nursing home bills in Southampton, the English city from which “Titanic” began its fateful maiden voyage in 1912.

Dean was only 9 weeks old when her family traveled on Titanic in hopes of beginning a new life in the United States. Her father was one of the 1,517 casualties after the supposedly unsinkable ship hit an iceberg in the Atlantic.

DiCaprio, Winslet and Cameron made their combined $30,000 donation after Irish author and photographer Don Mullan publicly challenged them to match his donation, said Ken Sunshine, a spokesman for DiCaprio. Mullan, who photographed Dean for an exhibition, made his appeal last month in the Irish Independent newspaper.

The 1997 drama “Titanic” made more than $1.8 billion at the worldwide box office, making it the highest-grossing film of all time in figures not adjusted for inflation. It went on to win 11 Oscars, including best picture.

Truseau summed it up best, saying “Lucky for us, that $30,000 was only 0.0016% of our take. Dean’s needs aside, it is very expensive to be a rich person, and celebrities can’t afford to be giving their money away. We were lucky this time that there was only one survivor left. We may not be so lucky next time.”

The principal of a Utah middle school has been asked to apologize for forcing a kilt-wearing student to change his clothes-to less.

Weber School District spokesman Nathan Taggart says Kevin Jessop has been asked to extend an apology to 14-year-old student Gavin McFarland of Hooper after the school official’s comments Wednesday.

Gavin says he wore the kilt twice in the past two weeks to Rocky Mountain Junior High as a prop for an art project. Jessop told the boy that the outfit could be misconstrued as cross-dressing, and that to make things clearer he should remove his underpants.

Taggart says the district recognizes the kilt as an expression of the boy’s Scottish heritage and that the kilt was not inappropriate unless worn in the traditional fashion-commando (without undergarments).

Activists at NAMBLA have called the move by the school district a “…removal of one more barrier, bringing men one step closer to each other.”

Kilts are traditional Scottish apparel generally worn by men for formal or special occasions.

The Belgian bodybuilding championship has been canceled after doping officials showed up and all the competitors fled.

A doping official says bodybuilders just grabbed their gear and ran off when he came into the room.

“I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again,” doping official Hans Cooman said Monday.

Twenty bodybuilders were entered in the weekend competition. Cooman says the sport has a history of doping “and this incident didn’t do its reputation any good.”

Hugo Ghailergh, one of the most promising contestants, commented “We were lucky to get out of there when we did. Those testers are much smaller and faster than we are. Thankfully we always have a back door. We will do whatever we have to to preserve the sport. No drug testing will kill this fine sport.”

During testing of bodybuilding events last year, doping authorities of northern Belgium’s Flanders region found that three-quarters of the competitors tested positive. Competitors this year were determined not to have the same shame brought upon the sport, and they succeeded.

Daytone Beach, Florida authorities said two men called 911 after they were robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy 20 pounds of marijuana.

The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office reported that the men went to a home Monday with $12,000 to buy the drugs. Two men at the home jumped them, took their money and drove off. A report said the victims jumped in their own vehicle to follow and one of them called 911 for help.

The other vehicle got away, but deputies went back to the house, where they arrested a 34-year-old man and charged him with robbery. Authorities are still looking for the other man. It’s not clear if drugs or money were recovered.

A sheriff’s spokesman said charges could follow for the men seeking to buy the drugs, but would probably be dropped as they didn’t get the drugs.

“There is such a thing as ‘honor among thieves,’” Walter Ishton, Deputy Sherriff for Volusia County said, “and we are chartered with upholing the law-even if it among drug dealers. A deal is still a deal, and we will seek justice for the drug buyers-and if not, then the dealer.”

“Ignorance Is No Defense” was Rapper T.I.’s thesis as he represented himself. Shown here, the celebrity fought to keep himself out of doing time by claiming that he was “… as ignorant as a hick from Little Rock.”

Clifford J. Harris, Jr. apologized to the media Friday for not having any combination of the initials “T.I.” in his real name. “It was just something I saw on a calculator.”, he claimed.

In a sweet twist of irony, the rapper was sentenced to fill his 12 month term in the state he has drawn so much anger from-Arkansas. “I want to do time where I can get some street cred, chillin’ with my homies in Brooklyn House of Detention, or somethin’ like that.”

Joseph Etma, Honorary Leader of the New York City Wardens Organizations, lamented that “We are in a space crisis here in New York City right now. We desperately need criminals to fill our empty cells. Our wards are nearly empty, and the incarceration of someone with this rapper ‘IT’s celebrity, we could bring the prison population back to where it was in days gone by.”

While it is true that New York’s prison system is facing a financial crunch that seemingly only crime can fix, T.I.’s “posse” sees a chance to “throw two stones at a bird” by teaming with the NYC Prison Guard Union, and keep their matriark from a near certain death at the hands of greasy farmers and immigrants in Arkansas’ correctional system for a full 12 months. “Yo”, spoke T-Bone, T.I.’s left hand man, “Those cheese-heads would get those crackers to look the other and lay my man on the slab faster than greased pig. For real.”

Chief Prosecutor Alan Meenes was unable to contain his disappointment, almost being brought to tears at the sentencing hearing, realizing that the rapper would have been torn apart were he to serve in New York, as he sobbed, “He is a Red Sox fan. A Red Sox fan, damn it.”