The Fablieaux

Vannevar Bush

In a historic move, and one that will go down in the history books along with the great achievements of the best minds of our time, “unboundprometheus” has accomplished the seemingly impossible-a 3-dimensional post.

Since its inception in 1979, newsgroups, and of late Google Groups, have been limited to simple ASCII, or text. Paul Baran told The Fablieaux “We were building systems (back then) to allow communication between missile sites to survive nuclear impact, not transmit large, complex objects. What unboundprometheus has done is nothing short of astounding. One can only imagine the amount of time and resources involved to finally pull of the impossible. His achievements,” Baran added, “make mine seem insignificant.” More »

It seems Mark Bradwin a kitchen supervisor with Webbles Burger in Minnesota has finally had enough.  The 26 year old Kentucky native has been stabbed twice by unruly cooks that could not take his aggressive form of criticism.  Mr. Bradwin admits that he can be a little tough on his staff and regularly uses the F-bomb when he feels they are not working up to potential.

The first stabbing took place in June of 2006, after a 12 hour shift together with a junior cook by the name of Jesse Richmonde.  After Jesse burned an entire grill full of Angus all-beef burger he was chasitized by Bradin and told that his pay would be docked for the ruined burgers.  Jesse lost it and stabbed he boss twice in the shoulder before being restrained by the two dishwashers on duty.  The most recent assualt was in the Summer of 2008 when the new breakfast cook took out an all-night dope fest on Mark and stabbed him in the back between his shoulderblades. More »

If you’ve ever doubted that mental illness can be passed from parent to child, a woman in China’s Sichuan province just proved you wrong.

Who knows where Lin Zongxiu’s information came from, but someone, somewhere had informed her that soup made from a man’s head was a remedy for psychiatric problems.

Not only did Ms. Lin believe this nugget of folk wisdom, but she decided to put it to the test.

On the one hand, you can’t blame her: She was presumably desperate to help her 25-year-old daughter, who had suffered from mental illness for years. On the other hand, well, let’s just say you don’t pop into your corner grocery and buy a man-head. The implications are obvious.

More »

Man Locked Up Once Again After Police Said He Stole A ‘prisoner’ T-shirt From Fresno Jail

A 20-year-old man was locked up once again after being charged with stealing his prisoner T-shirt from a previous stint at the Fresno County Jail. The man was arrested last week on suspicion of child abuse and possession of marijuana. After he was released from jail last Thursday, police said he nearly caused a collision while riding his bike.

Deputies then noticed that he was wearing a T-shirt with “prisoner” printed on the back. Police said the shirt was from the jail and he had concealed it under his clothing when he was released.

Fred Thieser told The Fablieaux, “I had that shirt from San Quentin. The rule is that if you don’t get caught stealing it from the first jail, its yours.” He continued, asserting that “Kids today where these all the time. You gonna lock up any kid with a prison T-shirt on? What’s next? Let everyone into the FBI with one of those caps on? That’s racist, man”.

Thieser was then sent back to jail and booked on felony charges of receiving stolen property.

A father was accused of using a dog shock collar on his four children. Salem, Oregon Police Lt. Dave Okasa said the 41-year-old man was jailed Tuesday on charges of criminal mistreatment. He said the father acknowledged putting the electronic dog collar on his four children and shocking all of them at least once each time they misbehaved.

“Well, at first I didn’t realize they were shock collars. I just thought they were acting out what they see on TV. Thinking back, it explains why they never left the yard.”, admitted Jack Nievens, “Just the same, you’d better not look in the basement.”

According to Okasa, the father didn’t do it as a punishment. Rather, he thought it was routine. “My parents leashed me, as did theirs before them. Don’t you want to hear about the retractable leashes?”

The children, all younger than 10, are in the custody of their mother. The case has been referred to state Department of Human Services.

Why “All King’s Day”?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is a United States holiday marking the birthdate of the ReverendDoctorMartin Luther King, Jr., observed on the third Monday of January each year, around the time of King’s birthday, January 15. It is one of three United States federal holidays to commemorate an individual person, yet it os not celebrated universally across the country.

Elvis Aaron Presley (January 8, 1935 – August 16, 1977; middle name sometimes written Aron) was an American singer, actor, and musician. A cultural icon, he is commonly known simply as “Elvis,” and is also sometimes referred to as “The King of Rock ‘n’ Roll” or “The King”. He currently has no holiday.

Martin and Elvis both share birthdays so close to each other, that they should both be celebrated together-”All King’s Day”. It should be obvious that both Northern and Southern states win in this compromise.

Police arrested a 29-year-old man on car theft charges at a church in Norwich, CT on Sunday, the same church Police Capt. Timothy Menard attends regularly. Menard told the Norwich Bulletin that it seemed like every time the suspect needed gas, he stole a new car.

“You mean these cars belong to someone?” a visibly confused Daniel Riosan told The Fablieux , “Some guy at the dealership told me it was all part of the new Transportation Plan“.

Police said the suspect went from one car dealership to another to steal cars and had left the church pastor’s contact card at a Plainfield dealership before stealing a car from there. Pastor Bernard, of the Norwich Diocese, admitted “Yes. We did have a theme this month of the Lord ‘Helping Those Who Help Themselves’, but we didn’t expect anyone to take us literally. We certainly didn’t expect our calling to card to be left at each scene of the crime either. I think we must bear some of the responsibility, here.”

Menard said the pastor of Norwich Alliance Church alerted him to the suspect’s presence. Menard cuffed the suspect and walked him out. Police said that they found a Honda Civic stolen Friday from a Groton, CT dealer in the church parking lot.

Riosan summed things up, saying “I see this as a victimless crime. When you think about it, it all makes sense. If you need a car, you just take one from where you are, and leave it when you get to your destination. I’m just sorry I got caught up in the hoax.”

The newest story line on Discovery Channel’s series “American Chopper” involves “Paul Teutel, Sr.” taking a troubled youth in as a mentor. Paul, Sr. feels that he can extend the same brand of understanding parenting to those unfortunate children and young adults that he has extended to his own sons on “American Chopper”.

National Troubled Youth Director Kevin Whelsley told The Fablieux “Many people, hundreds in fact, have called and emailed me personally wondering if I had actually seen the TV show. I can assure them that yes, I have.” When asked whether Discovery Networks would carry personal insurance for the volunteered youths on their rider, Whelsley responded “Of course. We’re not cruel. We would never put a youth directly into harm’s way without proper insurance.”

American Chopper spokesperson Anne Turner assured The Fablieaux that “While it is true that we are scaring only one youth “straight”, both organizations hope that the viewership the show commands will permit parents and parole officers alike to use the situation to their advantage.”

When asked to clarify, Turner explained “Our counselors, along with the youth’s parents, can now threaten to put a child into the Teutul’s care, and they will take us seriously. No more idle threats.” She beamed, “They know it can actually happen”. “Paul has ssureed me that he will try his hardest not to ‘punch the youth in the face’”, Turner concluded, apparently making reference to one of the many catch phrases Paul uses on the show to mentor, guide and nurture his sons.

A German court fined an unemployed man 900 euros ($1,227) Tuesday for knocking the head off a waxwork figure of Adolf Hitler in a Berlin museum.

Minutes after the Madame Tussauds museum opened in the German capital in July, the 42-year-old pushed past security staff and ripped off its head. The man, an ex-policeman, said he found it inexplicable that the Nazi leader would be found only some 500 meters from Berlin’s Holocaust memorial. The man appeared perplexed when he discovered the wax likeness was not Hitler himself.

The waxwork of a glum-looking Hitler in a mock bunker stirred debate in Germany even before it went on display. Critics argued it was tasteless to display a replica of the man who unleashed World War Two and ordered the extermination of Europe’s Jews.

Madame Tussauds said the museum avoided politics, arguing Hitler stood for a significant part of German history and his waxwork therefore had a legitimate part in the exhibition.

The restored figure was returned to the museum in September and is now displayed behind a glass wall.

About 25 workers spent about four months on the original waxwork, using more than 2,000 pictures and pieces of archive material (like that shown here) and also guided by a model of the “Fuehrer” in the London branch of Madame Tussauds.